Let your imagination do the work.
Imagine Me

I'll give your imagination a little help.
Even though this blogg is fairly girly looking, I am a male type person. Oh and I live in Bellingham, Wa. You can stalk me if you want.

Not much else to say.
Read the blogg, enjoy or hate, and leave me a comment or 2.
If you don't like it I'll probably cry. That or just go on with my life. Yup most likely the later.

The Past Lives
01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004 02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004 03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004 04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004 05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004 06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004 07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004 08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004 09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004 10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004 11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004 12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005 01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005 02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005 03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005 04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005 11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005

These Help Pass The Time

Don't Be A *MOTHER FUCKER*
The Onion
In Passing; Randomly funny
Penny Arcade
Ironic Huh?
*Random Current Interest; Update 05/18/04*

*These People Are "Interesting"*

The Popsicle Stand
American Babies
Neon Virus
A Hooker With A Blogg; Let's hear it for technology
Here Is That Porn You Were Looking For; Kinda
Is This Girly Ugly?
Open A Can Of...
Missing Girl Or Girl Amiss?
Crazy Devil

A Few Facts
Tell your Grandmother about me.

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Mental Image
Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Stick My Bumper

The mother Earth bumper sticker is now available here. Or you could just look for the link on the left. I made it $4.40 so that it will be $5 with shipping. Come on now you have $5. I saw it on your night stand last night. Or just go look at it. Whatever.


I like stuff.

This image became words at 12:30 PM Thanks to ~Mysterio~

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

Who Wants To Purchase A Scarf???

My GF makes these awesome scarfs. She umm crotchets or knits them or something. I don't know. I should pay more attention. Anyway she has some odd designs and what not and some look really cool. Hell I wear them so they must be cool. She has somewhere around a bazillion of these things lying around. From this year alone. I have threatened to put them on eBay just to get them out of the house. They really do look cool, but there are so Damn many. She has even given some away as a gift. Hell Syrinx said she liked the one my GF had on so she went home and made one for her that day. I just wish it was still cold around the world so that I could get pple to purchase them and get the damn things out of the house. They are slowly taking over. But they are soft so I guess that is a plus.


Purchase a Fucking scarf.

This image became words at 2:35 PM Thanks to ~Mysterio~



Fuck You. I thought It Was Funny

I received this email earlier today and thought it was a little funny.

Due to cultural difficulties elijah blue is
temporarily unavailable in both quart and
gallon containers. Lowes #35 inv 338955
removed from order. Home Depots 4014,4719,4720.
WM 2594 changed to flagellifera.

Now when I read this I could not help but think not cultural, but coulture. Like what is wrong? Do the Germans in the area that this stuff was going to not like Elijah or the color blue? Is it going to start a race right?


Fuck you. You don't work here.

This image became words at 11:09 AM Thanks to ~Mysterio~



And It's Still Early Yet...

Princess came into work today, only 10 minutes late instead of 20, and did the equivalent of clocking in. She then checked her phone messages and got up grabbing her keys and told us she would be right back. Seems she was in dyer need of breakfast so while still on the clock after coming in late she went down the street and purchased a breakfast pastry of some sort and then came back to eat. Nice. It's a hard life at this job, or something. I am expecting her to leave at 3:45 or so today so that she can make her step arobics class. Normal time of release for us in the office is 4:30.


Ahh to be a princess.

This image became words at 9:04 AM Thanks to ~Mysterio~

Monday, March 29, 2004

Not My Story But Hey.

My GF used to live in a fucked up town. Well the place she lived was not to bad, but the town she went to school in was pretty fucked up. I once went home with her to visit her family and see her sister in a track event at her old, and her sister's then current, high school. What an adventure. I went into the local grocery store to get some Jo Jos for dinner and pple just kinda stopped and stared at me as soon as I walked into the door. Now I was not dressed out of the ordinary nor did I have some odd colored hair or anything. It was just the fact that I was new and not form this town. It was like they could smell it on me. I got looks form everyone everywhere I went. It was like some twilight zone movie where the town has a deep dark secret and outsiders are not trusted. I expected at any moment to have some little boy run up to me and pull me aside to tell me to get out while I still can and that it is not safe here. So I go to the deli counter and purchase my goods. Well not exactly. I get to the deli counter and I am a fairly out going person in general so I greet the sales associate and say hello and ask for some jo jos. She kinda stares at me for a moment and then shuffles off. I ask her how her days going and how she is doing and she shrinks away from me as if I had just told her I want to smother her in ranch dressing and lick her clean. When she comes back my GF pays for the food and the sales lady tries to give me the change. I pull back my hand and point to GF and the lady just stares at me confused and lost. I have no idea what she was thinking. Maybe something like in these here parts men pay and men get the change. I don't know. After a moment or two of me trying to give her the idea to give GF the cash my GF steps up and takes the money from her. All this happened with out a word form the sales person. Before I left I asked for some ranch dressing and it looked to me like this woman was going to break down right there. I eventually got my ranch and we left. But still everywhere I went I got stared at. I just lived it up and said hello to everyone and tried to be real outgoing.

GF has a lot of stories about her town. One which I will relate here is about the house her grandparents used to live in. Her grandparents owned an apple orchard just up the road from the mini Stonehenge (scroll down to see). When GF was in her early teens Grandparents sold the orchard and moved. GF's grandmother told her about the previous owner of the house that the grandparents used to own. She waited till they moved because had GF known the history of the house she would never had stayed in it. It turns out the previous tenant was fairly fucking crazy as are ohh I would say about 89.9978% of the population in her home town. Not the one she went to school in but still fucked up. Anyway. The old tenant used to smear honey all over the walls in the basement so that the weavel bugs would come out and eat it and she could go down and visit them. It turns out this lady thought the bugs were the reincarnation of children. Sure that's a little creepy but hell I would still live in the house. Why not.. just a lil cleaning to do. So why was the lady not still in the house? Well the crazy kook decided she did not like life anymore so she slit her wrists and rubbed them acroosed the walls in the master bedroom smearing them with blood. Yeah good times.

Another story has to do with a religious freak foster care lady that made one of her kids walk up the drive way and pick up every rock he could find out in the cold.. we are talking mile long driveway here. The same lady changed one of her kids up in the basement for doing something or another.. really she tells these stories a hell of a lot better then I do and I will not belittle them bye trying to transcribe here. Just wanted to give you an idea. Damn this is a long post. Maybe make up for not posting b4 (Can).


Again not my story.

This image became words at 11:51 AM Thanks to ~Mysterio~

Friday, March 26, 2004

What Dreams May Come...

I had a weird ass dream. I was in grocery store and watching a movie. It was fucking odd. And someone was selling beer. So I umm bought some? Yeah ok. Then I went to leave but to get out I had to stand in the checkout line for some reason. Then I went outside and got into a porta pottie that was turned into a motorized vehicle of some sorts. Like you stood in the porta poty and drove it. And it said vespa on the back. I really am just typing as I remember so forgive the non coherence. The ignition was busted on the porta potty vespa and I had to strip the wires and hot wire it. Just twisting wires together till it clicked. I have never hot wired a porta potty before but it seemed to work out. I even remembered that I could pee into the funnel thing while driving if I wanted. Then I parked, got out, and was on my roller blades. WTF. I usually have fairly lucid dreams and can control them very well. This was no exception. I just kinda went with the flow though cause it was so bezaro. Umm ok that is all. Ohh one more thing. Still need a Q for Q$A Friday. mysterioblog@hotmail.com


Porta potty bye vespa.

This image became words at 10:48 AM Thanks to ~Mysterio~

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

He Was Always So Quiet

As a copout post today I give you this link. It is a quiz of sorts. Who knows? It may save your life someday.



Probably not though.

This image became words at 10:04 AM Thanks to ~Mysterio~

Monday, March 22, 2004

What's In A Name???

I just don't get it when people name sexual parts. I do understand giving them nick names like hooo hoo and wee wee and what not as a way to maybe alleviate the embarrassment of the situation and that should only be used when you are young, but I don't understand actually naming them. I don't call my foot big red or my arm the penetrator so why should I name my penis? And what's with the opposite sex naming your parts for you. If anyone is going to assign a name to my penis it sure as hell is going to be me. And guys really have no right to assign names to woman's breasts or "whoo hoo". Maybe people want to name others body parts as a way to make sex more exciting. Hell if you name enough parts it's like your having sex with a room full of different pple. Just close your eyes and scream out... ohh Tanya and Terra, I love the twins..or.. mm how about you, me, and jimmy there all have some fun. No I still don't get it. On a side note it looks liek Q$A friday payed off so start thinking of your questions for next friday and drop me an email.


Ahh look at the little guy.

This image became words at 2:48 PM Thanks to ~Mysterio~

Friday, March 19, 2004

Q$A Friday

This from an email to me:

Q: OK, here's a question: Does a person's ass (and by ass I am referring to anus) get larger with continued use (anal sex)? I am seriously concerned about this since I am entering more into the world of anal.

If you have experience in this field or the answer then email it to me (mysterioblog@hotmail.com) or drop it in my comments box and I will post it on monday. And the net being what it is, I am sure someone has the answer and more.


Thanx for your support.

This image became words at 11:50 AM Thanks to ~Mysterio~

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

My Friends Are WAY Cooler Then Yours

Today Syrinx and her Husband told me they purchased a gift for me and my GF for her graduation. I was shocked to find the gift was a day at this bed and breakfast. The place looks awesome. Both Syrinx and the husband have stayed at the place and came back with great stories. It looks really relaxing and I scheduled it for the weekend two weeks before her last finals so that she will have some de-stress time. It is a great and perfect gift and my friends are way cooler then your friends are so there. I just want to say thank you to the two of them once again. They are great. Oh and if you have not done so yet then visit the web sight. That way you can envy me in the way in which I deserve.


Can't wait.

This image became words at 10:42 AM Thanks to ~Mysterio~

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

I Almost Died Today

It's True. Princess was trying to help the new girl and totally undo all the training I have done. Well she gave her some wrong advice that I could just not let go so I chimed in. At this point Princess took out a huge baseball bat. I have no idea where it was hiding, but if I had to guess I would say up her ass. She pulls out this slugger and proceeds to beat me with it. As blood sprays the walls of the office my coworkers run and hide. No hope at all they are. I threw up an arm or two but to no avail. My defenses were no use against her repeated hits from the baseball bat labeled " No Mysterio your not understanding ME" and " Well I would never do it that way so that's the way it is." It was an ugly battle and I had to be carried out bye two coworkers to go for a walk and get the hell away from her. There is no moral to this post really and the story is small. This was the same lady who I tried to show how to print a report for something and she said no I don't want to learn how to do it you do it for me.


I'm just sayin'

This image became words at 2:45 PM Thanks to ~Mysterio~

Monday, March 15, 2004

Sit! Stay! Mmmmm Goood dog...

Some guy reminded me of a story I had told him a few years back. Thank him for what follows.

Here is the situation. I had borrowed a video form a friend and had finished watching the movie on it. It was a home casset and I let the credits run as I went to take a shower. I get out of the shower and am drying off and the credits are finishing up.. maybe I got into the shower a lil before the movie ended. Either way .. when I cam out the credits were just finishing up. The screen flickered and fuzz came on for a sec. As I went to eject the tape a new image appeared on the screen. It was of my friends living room and the family dog. Hmm interesting.

A little back ground. My friend's father had been recently injured in some kind of accident and had to wear metal braces on his legs as well as a back brace type thing. OK enough background.

So the picture had the family dog just sitting there like a good dog. Not moving. Good dog. Next I see a shadow on the wall and a figure comes into view. Ummm... the figure is of a man wearing leg braces, a black leather mask, a french tickler and nothing else.. hobbling towards the dog. His legs could not bend. This figure was my friends father. He walks up to the dog. A friendly chap whom I had played with and who had licked my face many times in the past. As I was saying. He walks up to the dog and begins to slap the animal in its face with his penis getting the poor pooch to lick and nip at his french style member. It was pretty damn sad. All the time the dog sat and stayed and was "good" I am assuming this was a common thing. I rushed to the VCR as soon as my legs could work and ejected the tape. I gave the tape back to my friend and never said a word about it. I have no idea if he knew that little home movie was on the end of the blockbuster he loaned me and I am not sure if I want to know.
Movie night must have been a rather interesting occasion in that house.


I saw no peanut butter.

This image became words at 3:04 PM Thanks to ~Mysterio~

Friday, March 12, 2004

Q$A Friday

A prelude to Q$A Friday. This is how it will work. I think I am going to make it on Friday. So I will later supply an email to you the audience to which you can submit questions for the next weeks Friday Q$A. (I will try to do this bye Monday of next week). EDIT NEW EMAIL IS mysterioblog@hotmail.com Then I will pick a good question allowing the asker to remain anom or not. The question will be posted on Friday and user may answer anom or not through comments or email to me. I will then post the answer and everyone will share in a lil bit of knowledge. I hope these terms are acceptable and can be agreed upon. Please fell free to ask any question no matter how silly or perverse it may be. This will be an anything goes open forum in the pursuit of knowledge. All identities will be counseled upon request.


Let the games begin. (soon)

This image became words at 3:04 PM Thanks to ~Mysterio~



Busy

OK way busier then i thought i would be. not even going to run spell check. If i have time i will set up waht will be, in the future, known as Q$A Friday. but not right now sorry. Hope I still have time to do this today.


I need to out source.

This image became words at 12:46 PM Thanks to ~Mysterio~

Thursday, March 11, 2004

Postage

Ok so no real posting today, but hey I am random like that. Friday I will probably have one of those multiple post days... mmmm multiple post.
That's right I am that good to the Net that I can give it multiple Posts.


Talk amongst yourselves

This image became words at 1:54 PM Thanks to ~Mysterio~

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

Banana

I was eating a banana today and I finished up and threw out the peel or wrapping. I was thinking to myself how cool it is that the natural packaging of the banana is biodegradable. It would suck if bananas came wrapped in a natural plastic skin instead of a biological skin. Think of all the un eaten yellow goodness lying on the ground rotting on the inside, but not degrading on the outside. Yuck. Not only would the plastic hold in the stinky rotted meat, but the ground would be littered with plastic housing that would take forever to break down. Maybe there is some philosophical statement in this somewhere. Maybe I just like to type random stuff.


I am a banana.

This image became words at 9:32 AM Thanks to ~Mysterio~

Friday, March 05, 2004

Holly Trinity Post Batman

Ok I know this is my third post, but I have to wait on hold a lot today so I had time. This article is umm... hmmm.. well.. just go read it. It is interesting cause it is in the field I want to work in. I was reading it and thinking "Oh no a fool proof way for churches to brain wash people." Now I am not slamming any one religion such as Christianity or Catholicism. I believe any religion could use this technique to achieve there individual goals. You have to admit though.. it would be a good idea. I mean force someone to have a religious experience and you have an instant convert.


Hey this tea taste like mescaline.

This image became words at 3:16 PM Thanks to ~Mysterio~



We Are All Dooommmeeeddd.

This articel tells of a virus that fights HIV. Crazy. It is as if the viruses of the world are fighting over who gets to kill us. This, like everything else in my life, once again reminds me of the simpsons. The one where Mr. Burns goes to the doctor and they find out that the only thing keeping him alive is that he has every virus known to man and they are all in line to kill him.


Isn't science great?

This image became words at 2:38 PM Thanks to ~Mysterio~



Food

I picked up a bag of new crispier Lays plain potato chips. They are a little crispier somewhere between Tims cascade chips and regular potato chips. They are good. Go purchase some. With the chips I also decided to get a sprite. When I walked over to the cooler I noticed the sprite and these small plastic pouches full of liquid in a shelf stuck to the door. The package stated that in side was some flavored syrup that you can mix with your sprite. The add on the door claims they have grape, cherry, and berry mix. All that was available at the time of purchase was berry mix so I grabbed that. I wanted grape. I brought all my stuff to the office and looked at the tube of syrup... hmmm. It said to pour in and mix with sprite. I poured it in and then thought to myself how the hell am I supposed to mix this without shaking the bottle up. That's kinda evil. Anyway I shook away and it was not bad. Kinda fruity like the sprite remix but more berry. I would like to try the grape. The weird thing is I could not find any mention of this product on the Sprite website. That's kinda scary. Maybe it's just some conspiracy through sprite and they are trying to poison me. I am, after al,l a secret spy. I envision a moment before I walk into the store many ppl running around changing the layout and placing the flavor in my direct line of sight. And then once I leave the store they gather up the trapped stuff and hide it back away behind the walls and away from the public. At least I did not get this.


That's what the voices say.

This image became words at 11:27 AM Thanks to ~Mysterio~

Thursday, March 04, 2004

She Loves Her Cats

Crazy cat lady came up to me today and asked where I bought my cat food. Er.. K. I told her Haggens. She looked at me with wide eyes and a little "ohhhh" emitted from her mouth. She then told me that she was going to go to PetCo this afternoon to get hers and went on to say with the excitement of a little kid on the way to the circus that they had LOTS of different stuff and it was going to be soooo exciting. Hmm maybe she was hoping we could go together and swap cat stories. On the up side at least her cats are well taken care of and not out on the streets and what not and they seem to make her happy so that is good. I'll start to worry when she trys to set up play dates for out cats or starts knitting my cats clothes.


Meow meow meow meow....

This image became words at 2:55 PM Thanks to ~Mysterio~

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

Fuck You Jack

I am eating a bag of Cracker Jacks I bought at the store last night. I reached in and pulled out my shitty little prize of some kinda illusion trick. Man this sucks. I want a real damn prize like they used to have in the Cracker Jack boxes. The little stickers or tattoos always sucked, but at least you could do something with them. Hell you don't even get that any more. I'm starting to think that maybe this is some kind of Mormon conspiracy. After all Cracker jack is owned bye nally which is owned bye Pepsi which is owned bye the Mormons. What do they have against me? I just want a good toy.


I hope that dog rips out that lil sailors throat!!!!

This image became words at 1:11 PM Thanks to ~Mysterio~



When I Was In Nam...

I was working an odd job painting a house with my friend. I had gotten the job first and invited him along as the employer needed more help, so the employer had known me for a couple of days before my friend joined us. Wow I suppose I could have typed that out a little bit better. Anyway. We go to the house to, well, paint of course and as we are up on a make shift scaffolding the employer looks over and asks me how my friend and I met? I replied with my standard phrase of, "I saved his life in nam." The employer just looks at us and goes... ohh. And keeps on painting.


Errr... I am only 27 and friend is 28.

This image became words at 11:30 AM Thanks to ~Mysterio~



On Work

OK I don't have a Mac I just like the Gif.

The new lady at work is kinda ...odd. She is one step away from being the crazy cat lady from the simpsons episode where Lisa's cats keep dying. We were talking a few days ago and she asked if I had any cats. I said yes that me and my GF have three, which is way to many. She responded with ohh I have three as well. Doh. Ok so no big deal, until the next day. The next morning I am sitting at my desk and she comes over with a photo album and sets it down in front of me. I look up at her and she says, "Here are some pictures of my cats." she then opens the book and flips through the photos telling me the history of her cats. I smile and nod. Sure I love animals and other such heart filled sayings, but this girl is a fanatic. She spends most of her day searching the net for cat products. At least she has a hobby.

For some unknown reason the sales office for the company I work for is also the default line on the main msg you get when you call the office. This means that in edition to our individual lines we also field calls from the main line and transfer them to various other facilities we have. One call that comes in almost every day and often makes me giggle is this one lady who calls for Hue Johnson. I don't know the guy, just that he works in a dif location then I am at. It is just a funny name and its asked for bye a woman. Again this reminds me of the simpsons, but more along the lines of Bart calling Moe's.

The princess whom I had mentioned in a previous post, sorry I'm not linking I am lazy, gets an email every day with helpful dietary tips. These things she feels she MUST share with us. Things like if you walk a mile a day it will ad 1 year to your life or eating 2 servings of fruit a day will add 2 years to your life. She has read us many of these life lengthening tips. One day she was telling us how killing kittens or masturbating or something added so many years to your life and I looked over at her and said, "wow if you do all those steps you have told us and add up all the various years to your life these steps are supposed to be adding then you will live for hundreds of years." To which she responded with "uhh (not like a question but like a frustrated sigh) it doesn't work like that. God." Um OK I am sorry you lost your humor in the war.


I need a Hue Johnson, come on guys I have something for a Hue Johnson. - Moe

This image became words at 10:57 AM Thanks to ~Mysterio~

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

I Was So Poor...

Busy day today again, but the software we use is having "issues" so I am waiting to get into my system and call some stores to verify some stuff. Wow my job sounds so very interesting.

I was pretty poor when I was growing up. Mostly until my freshman year in high school. This guy and I always swap poor stories and it's kinda fun. Sometimes my GF will speak up and try to claim that she was... more poor? Poorer? then I was. Whenever this happens I recite stories from my life that blows her poorness out of the water. Hell she lived on an orchard so at least they had trade and food. Now on to my poor stories.

I was so poor that......

I remember going to K-Mart and having to more or less dive into the big bin of cheap shoes they had. This was a box at the end of the shoe isle and it contained various sizes of cheap ass shoes. All dif sizes were thrown into the bin. The pairs were linked together by a plastic loop. Sometimes the loop would break and you could come up with one lone size 5 shoe. Often I would dive in head first with just my feet sticking out and up into the air. I hated how those cheap pieces of plastic would break off allowing the match to the size of shoe I wanted to just roam free. It was like hunting. Maybe my parents were trying to pass on some kinda of hunting and gathering skill. These shoes were cheap. No not just cheap, but cheap ass. I wore these shoes down to nothing. Like I said we were poor. This was bad, but not as bad as when the shoes would wear out.

Even though the cost was low we could not always afford a new pair of shoes. When mine began to wear out say in the toe my parents would pull out the electrical tape and wrap my toe until it was sealed. So I had cheap ass shoes with black tape wrapped around the tow, but at least I had shoes. This usually made my GF back down in the wars of who was more poor. Usually, but not always. Sometimes I would have to bring out the big guns A.K.A. government food.

One of the worst things I had when I was young in the way off cheap ass food was Powdered milk. That's right. A powder that comes in a box to which you add water in hopes of making milk. That will teach those cows a lesson.

Mom would mix up the powder with the milk in a glass kool aid type pitcher and put it in the fridge. It was awful. You could definitely taste the difference between it and real milk. Once or twice she tried to make it in an old milk container to fool us, but the taste was unmistakable. Taste was pretty bad, but it was not the worst thing about the powdered milk. The thing I dreaded most was taking a big gulp of "milk" and bighting into a flavor burst. These were balls of powder that had not been fully dissolved into the water. It was coated on the outside and filled with powder on the inside. When you bit down the ball would burst and fill your mouth with dry awful tasting powdered milk. It was bad. I have more stories I pull out every once in a while to prove my poor ness, but I will save those for another day.


Got Powdered Milk?

This image became words at 11:26 AM Thanks to ~Mysterio~

Monday, March 01, 2004

TO BUSY!!

OMG to busy to busy to busy.. fuck no time.. time no.. bussy yes.. to busy.


To busy today.

This image became words at 1:58 PM Thanks to ~Mysterio~

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